


somewhere, somehow

by fadesight



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Breakup, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, That's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 08:08:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15092654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadesight/pseuds/fadesight
Summary: mark knew that somehow, he'd get over donghyuck.





	somewhere, somehow

**Author's Note:**

> once upon a time, i had an unhealthy obsession with somewhere somehow by forever ends here

mark was in love with donghyuck. mark was madly, agonisingly, shamelessly, clumsily in love with donghyuck. he was also hopelessly in love; if only he knew that's what they'll ever be.

it hurts. it hurts when donghyuck left. days following the break up, everything that invaded the space of mark's mind was questions. what did he do wrong? was he not enough? he thought he had given everything that he had to donghyuck, even if things that he didn't he'll try to achieve that and give that to donghyuck as well. it turns out that it wasn't enough. mark was so eager to please donghyuck that he didn't care about what it'll cost him, he disregarded the fact that donghyuck didn't even bat an eyelash when mark served the world on a silver platter to him. he doesn't know whether he really thought that donghyuck was in love with him or that he had lied to himself every single time until he believed the thought.

mark used to think that donghyuck is perfect, he used to think that it was amazing how donghyuck walked like he was gliding through the breeze given by the earth. mark used to think that donghyuck was the breeze himself, he never even thought that donghyuck would be a hurricane; destructive and angry. he used to think that donghyuck was the embodiment of the colour blue, calm and serene and something that is easy to drown in. he didn't realise that instead of blue, all that donghyuck was was red. donghyuck was a red hurricane and mark didn't choose to drown, he was swallowed from inside out by the force of donghyuck's smirks and the gleam in his eyes.

mark used to think that they both look good together, it's true that everything about them was different but wasn't it what makes everything interesting? opposites attract, after all. he thought that they weren't boring, he thought it was enough to get donghyuck to stay. mark was used to read between the lines, he was used to see small details that tend to be overlooked, like how donghyuck unconsciously reach out for mark when he was asleep or how donghyuck smiled and poked on mark's cheeks whenever he smiles or how the fire that was flashing inside of donghyuck's eyes would calm down whenever their fingers are intertwined; like mark was the one grounding donghyuck down, like donghyuck was content whenever mark was around his vicinity.

mark was blinded by his rose tinted glasses that is love, he really thought that everything about them was perfect. well, he knew that they weren't going to hold hands down the beach and into the fucking sunset but he thought that they would still be together years from now, with few dogs and a cozy home. he thought they would still hold hands and look at each other with stars in their eyes and smile at each other as brightly as they did when they first met. mark was stupid.

some things aren't meant to be forever, hell, nothing is meant to be forever. stars will die out, the sun will stop shining, the universe will stop existing. what matters is that how long it's gonna take until one has reached its destined ending. everything has different timers for themselves, nothing is gonna exist without disappearing. every start has its finish line, those sort of things. mark had hopes, though. he had hopes that mark and donghyuck's destined ending would be later than sooner, an ending that none of them would ever wish to happen. but alas, nothing would ever happen the way mark wants it to be. they ended and donghyuck wanted it to end. there's nothing that mark could do to prevent it, donghyuck was dead set about it ending even before it started.

mark somehow hopes, no matter how selfish or foolish it would be, for both of them to meet again. for them to somehow cross paths. for their paths to clash again like two meteors from different sides of the universe, maybe in another life and maybe in another reality. he hopes that there would be some greater power that would set them both up again, that maybe in some other time they would work. they both could fall in love properly and maybe be happy, together.

he shot down the thought as quick as it came, though. setting them both up again would be just like setting a ticking time bomb, they were meant to fail. no matter what kind of alternate universe they would end up again, they would never work. there would never be a story where donghyuck would be head over heels for mark because that's not how it works. things never work the way mark wanted it to work. when they are, it's just matter of time before everything went shit. mark would rather not go through this pain again, even if he has been reborn and forgotten how it's like to hurt when donghyuck left him.

trial and error don't work when it comes to unrequited relationship.

however, despite everything, even if mark knew that there would never be such things as mark and donghyuck again and even if mark had tried to get rid of everything that had any sort of correlation to donghyuck, there are things that are harder to get rid of; like habits. mark wished that habits could be burned to ashes the way he did with a few canvases donghyuck accidentally left behind. he wished he could shatter habits to pieces like he did with donghyuck's favourite mug that he used to drink his coffee from every morning. he wished he could just sleep the habits off and wake up not remembering a thing, but he can't.

mark still sleeps the way he did when donghyuck was around. he still sleeps on the left side of the bed, leaving the other side empty. he still sets pillows on the right side of the bed. he still sleeps with the windows open and the lamp lights on. he still double checks the bathroom window like donghyuck's voice still rang in the apartment, reminding him to do it. he still sleeps with that one playlist on, the one that has les marionette in it; donghyuck loved that playlist the most. but, despite everything, mark knows that no matter what, he has to try to get rid of those habits. habits are hard to destroy, but they aren't exactly unbreakable. he just needs to have enough willpower to do it then, after that, he could really be free from everything donghyuck related that keeps on haunting his existence.

the process of moving on was hard, the heartbreak was hard. mark never knew that this would be the aftermath of a breakup. he never knew that heartbreak was physical, he never knew that the shattering of his heart would also cause his lungs to dysfunction until it would be hard to breathe whenever he thought of the sound of donghyuck laughing, all bright and beaming. he remembered this one time, donghyuck and him joked around about breaking up, they have made up the most ridiculous scenarios about how they would end things. he'd always jokingly asked donghyuck to just get this over with and break mark's heart already. he never knew that donghyuck would actually do that and he would never have thought that donghyuck breaking his heart would be this painful.

mark knew that donghyuck had moved on. of course, he had. he's always been one hell of a fireball, that boy. he wouldn't dwell on the things as trivial as a fucking break up, moreover when he broke up with a boy he never even loved. mark imagined that donghyuck would be somewhere in this universe, away from him. maybe he's partying it out in thailand, hunting down people as beautiful as he is and let them have a taste of his intoxicating lips. maybe he's somewhere in france, trapping french men and women left and right with his mischievous smirk and innocent allure.

mark hoped that donghyuck would be happy, no matter what he's doing now, mark hoped donghyuck is happy. donghyuck's happiness still mattered a lot to mark. maybe mark has gotten over him, maybe mark has no business with anything donghyuck related anymore, but nothing could change the fact that donghyuck was once the love of mark's life, the one that mark thought he's gonna spend the rest of his little infinity with. mark really hoped with everything that his tiny soul could do that donghyuck is living his life, maybe on the back his mind, mark knew that donghyuck is. mark shouldn't have worry, nothing could disrupt donghyuck from having his fun.

mark just hopes that donghyuck won't be doing the same thing that mark did with him. mark fell too quick and too recklessly and it was out of control, he should've known that it was due to crash, that they were due to crash. he hopes that whoever donghyuck is gonna end up with, he's gonna take his time in falling. he has to make sure the other would be ready to catch him when he attempted on defying gravity, mark knows how painful crashing to the ground is and he would never wish that upon anyone. mark hopes that donghyuck would know what he's getting into before he dived head first into the limitless span of horizon in front of him, he would never want donghyuck to get lost in spaces he doesn't understand.

mark knows that wherever he is and whoever he's with, donghyuck is happy. he's happy with or without mark and it's okay, mark will be happy without donghyuck too. maybe it'll take more time, but he will. he knows he will. somewhere, somehow, donghyuck is having the time of his life; doing things he wanted and laughing without any care in the world, without anyone holding him back from what he wants. and also, somewhere and somehow, mark would lay there, all spread out in the middle of his bed, feeling more content in life than he has ever felt.

**Author's Note:**

> thankyou for reading!


End file.
